there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
