Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
