Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
