check it out our google latitudes are spooning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
