U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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