In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize