She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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