allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
