i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
