just tell him i said nine months
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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