Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
