in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
