he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
