i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
