I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
