Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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