yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
