Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
