i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
