I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
