What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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