I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
