Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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