Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
