Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize