She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
