I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
only if we run a train.
done.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
