You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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