In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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