the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
