My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
