Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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