Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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