he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
