Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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