I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
