I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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