i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
