I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
