Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
