And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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