nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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