Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
