who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
