you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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