Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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