just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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