The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
