my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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