At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
