that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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