Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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