she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
