get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
