Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
