I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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