Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
