maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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