I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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