I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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