Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I died a long time ago.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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