I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
