It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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