grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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