apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
