Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
