he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
