I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
