Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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