he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
