life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
