11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
